Editing? Find your way.

 Story editing is a tiring, yet exhilerating task.

Successful completion is as wide open as the formula to get there.

Let's explore an example.

The original version:

Sculptured by the wind’s swirl, the cylinder of twirling snowflakes lifted from the curbside pile, raked an icy chill across Jenny’s unprotected facial skin. Without a desire to stop and delay her plodding morning journey to the bookstore, she ignored the stray cat’s caterwaul behind her.

 While the original imagery tries to create a mood, it overpowers if not confuses. If it's slow going for Jenny, the reader doesn't get to understand there is a Jenny until too late.

Let's try to rewrite:

Off to Jenny’s right, a windy swirl lifted snowflakes from a curbside pile. Sculptured into a twirling “dust” devil, the cylindrical funnel raked an icy chill across her unprotected facial skin. With no desire to stop and delay her morning journey to the bookstore, she plodded on, this day ignoring the stray cat’s caterwaul behind her.

The original first sentence is divided into two parts. Within three words we know we are on a journey with Jenny. The cylinder of swirling snowflakes is emphasized to be a cylindrical funnel. Not a tornado, but similar to a summer dust kickup.

The last sentence in the revision could also be split into separate sentences. Left together they may imply a simultaneous perception. All is subjective. 

Try it yourself.

Use your own examples or visit Author Donan Bert at Amazon.com . This link will take you to his Find the Girl, A Fantasy Novel where a free sample is available. If you wish, his other novels also offer free "inside the book" samples.

 

The Bones Dance Foxtrot ebook now free, but limited

 Award-winning author Donan Berg offers you an exciting oppotunity to experience his mystery series with a free ebook.

The entertaining mystery, heartwarming romance, The Bones Dance Foxtrot, is

free in ebook format for a limited time and quantity, first come, first served.

Visit this website The Bones Dance Foxtrot 

Enjoy this reading party and be encouraged to leave a review where you obtain the free ebook or at Author Donan Berg's book site at Donan Berg at Amazon.com . 

Author Donan Berg is the author of twelve novels. Award winners in romance and fantasy plus five-star reviews in mystery, thrillers, and police procedurals.

A Body To Bones Reviewer: In-depth Characters

 A Body To Bones

A review for a five-star novel by award-winning author Donan Berg

Here's what's published on Amazon.com:

"A Body To Bones by Donan Berg is a book that is the first Skeleton Series Mystery and it it immediately drew me in.

"The book is about an old secret, one that won't remain buried and threatens to not only involve Sarah's family but she is the target of a killer.

"I loved this from the start, which was set in the past. Immediately it captured my interest and made me want to keep reading - from the prologue to the end. I enjoy mysteries and this was not only written well but had depth and imagination without becoming too unrealistic. Instead, it was a story that made me want to keep tapping away at my Kindle in order to get to the next chapter.

"If you love a good mystery and characters that are rich in depth and background, this is defintely the book you'll want to read."

Click here to purchase ebook at half price*. A Body To Bones

(*Half price available until February 12, 2023.)

Click to find other Donan Berg books:

Into the Dark

Free on KindleUnlimited Lucia's Fantasy World

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Update:  There's bad news and good news.

The limited time sale mentioned below has expired. Sorry.

Good news

The 50% off sale has been renewed.

Sale ends December 15, 2022 so Santa can rest for his

Yuletime December 25 delivery trip.

If you can't remember coupon code QD86Q, don't worry.

 Click here to save big 

The link will take you to the A Body To Bones e-book page.

Save 50% on ebook A Body to Bones for a limited time only at

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This private sale is only for persons who enter coupon code

QD86Q prior to checkout. (Ebook may have updated cover.)

Ps, While at Smashwords, check out Donan Berg/s One Paper Heart, a Gold Award Romance.

Click here:  One Paper Heart

Review To Steal a Heart by Jennifer Youngblod

 Review To Steal a Heart by Jennifer Youngblood

Midway through a series, which To Steal a Heart by Jennifer Youngblood is, don’t feel inadequate if you believe you’ve missed something. In the beginning, the feeling gnawed at me continuously.

Calm yourself and enjoy a classic summer beach read. If you add a glass of wine, no problem. If the sweat gleams because you’re lathered in sunscreen, likewise no problem.

Here’s a tip. Don’t count the twists and turns. If you’re put off by the pettiness and selfishness of high society circles, banish the thought. And remember this secret, if a heroine is bashed by an unfaithful or conniving lover in the beginning pages, and that “heel” then dates her former childhood friend, be prepared for revenge and enjoy the next page.

You’d earn a gold star if you believed the outcome was preordained because the ex-boyfriend was named Hector. Yes, the name is Greek. Homer in the Iliad describes Hector as “Breaker of Horses.”

Thus, why wouldn’t the modern day Hector, under the grip of a romance writer, “break” a woman’s heart? You may find additional allegorical references. Go to it.

Reviewer Donan Berg has earned three gold awards for his novels, a romance and two fantasy. He received an advance review copy for free and he leaves this review voluntarily.

Book Review Vision of Power by Charlee James

 

Review of Vision of Power by Charlee James

What often catapults a story from very good to outstanding is the underlying comparison of what is a well-balanced, utopian societal family that is compared to characters who are enslaved because of psychological or moral trauma. In Vision of Power by Charlee James, we have page-after-page of engaging trauma without the energizing contrast.

Lead characters Kinley Wright nee Miller, a detective, and Easton Adair, an FBI agent, have enough personal trauma to overwhelm an entire college of social workers plus psychologists. In addition to them, a serial killer who first tortures young girls before ending their lives. The only one to escape is Kinley. The reader is spoon-fed this information in a lengthy prologue that for all intent and purposes dulls the story’s overall suspense. Like sugar, the horror would’ve had greater effectiveness if sprinkled in like Easton’s backstory.

The plot is simple and straightforward. Without a spoiler, it’s the so often common thread of a woman in peril seeking justice that borders on revenge. There are threats, e.g. a note under a car wiper blade, left vague by no detail, as if handwritten (spur-of-the-moment) or typed (planned and premeditative). There is a woman found dead, murdered, in a Victorian house. While this may have been an opportunity to connect society to the characters, it doesn’t. Kinley refers to the house as the “Addams Family House,” but the out-of-balance sitcom was not known for its crime drama.

If the reader loves high-speed car chases, you’ll find them a constant companion, even if it glosses over the injuries caused by flying glass. The verb “loves” in the prior sentence was deliberately chosen. Trauma, car chases, and murders overpower the interjected romance between Kinley and Easton, often presented as tingling, unadulterated lust.

In sum, a dark, intense, non-stop read that won’t answer your exam question about the big bang theory.

Author Donan Berg received an advance review copy from BookSirens for free, and he's leaving this review voluntarily.

He's the author of twelve novels, the latest a Gold Award fantasy entitled Lucia's Fantasy World that is available for free on KindleUnlimited at www.amazon.com/dp/B09YCVQ4JD.

The above link will lead you to his other award-winning titles.

Find Donan Berg novels on Overdrive

 Find Donan Berg novels on Overdrive.

Click on this link. Donan Berg novels

Donan Berg novels are also now on the

library platform, Hoopla. Ask your librarian.