Wishing all, individually and collectively, the merriest 2016 Christmas ever.
I filled a lull to engage in reading aspiring novel writers outside the stream of those for whom I get paid to do freelance editing.
The novel picked up today, women's fiction, stopped me cold in the first few pages.
This book and writer, who shall remain anonymous, hit me with the following two sentences:
1. "Anne spent the next year was in a blur of creative frenzy."
Obviously the word "was" should be deleted as one simple grammar cure.
Even then the narrative presentation smacks of dullness. I think I know what is meant. You may get a greater understanding if I reveal Anne is a portrait painter.
Would you say "blur" is the right word? Blur can be defined as "obscure," "haze,"
"stain," "cloud," and "dim."
Rather than "spent" would you be more impressed if Anne "unleashed" a frenzy of creative talent?
2. "Inside the warmth and happy mood lighting welcomed them, and they ...."
Are you dangling with me? If you read further, the scene starts as two people walk into and begin a conversation in a bar. You might rearrange the words to state: "Warm lighting and a happy mood welcomed ___ and ___ ." That may not be true. It could be "____ and ____, in a happy mood, were welcomed by the bar's warmth." "Happy mood" could be expanded to tilt one's understanding in another direction: "Joyous voices, interrupted by song and laughter, greeted _____ and _____."
No matter what you decide, isn't the fact that you had to delay your reading to grasp an understanding of what the words were crafted to mean annoying?
Still, it's no reason to avoid new writers. Pick up one of their books or download a digital copy. The hunt for hidden treasure is always exciting.
Again, Merry Christmas.
