Writing Tip: Not Your Protagonist

 Writing tip.

There are a multitude of protagonists. Those that should not grace your story are

the following:

    1. The incompetent.

    2. The passive.

    3.  The over thinker.

The hero or heroine must not only do things, but must drive the story's plot. The above three types of hero or heroine are failures. 

How can a good mystery be solved if the protagonist has no detecting skill? He or she can't.

How can a story be entertaining if the protagonist sits in the audience waiting for the action on stage when he or she should be the lead actor on the stage reciting witty lines, tapping out innovative dance steps or pouring out a wheelbarrow full of emotion.

How can a good story be only in one's head. Yes, a hero or heroine can dream, or plot out their next actions, but the energy rays are ignited by outward actions, not small electrical impulses only alive within the protagonist's skull.

Measure the story you're writing or reading against the above. There's a trust you'll enjoy yourself more if you find the kernel and discard the chaff.  

Clarity, the writing challenge.

Writing clarity is always a challenge. It's one reason authors have editors. With humility, this writer fills both roles with herculean effort to keep them separate.

This posts harvests true-to-life examples taken from works, if not yet published, then designed to be published. In each example, see if your mind hesitates while it grasps for meaning.

I'll refuse to divulge the names of the authors and their titles. This post is for educational purposes, not shaming. If you chuckle, don't tell me.

Let's go:

Number one:  "He walked haltingly into his walker and turned it off and then sunk into his chair by the window."

Response:  Can you tell exactly what he did?  If he could walk, why the need for a walker? What do we miss? Wheelchairs are motorized, walkers generally not.

Number two:   "The master bedroom was larger, with a deck overlooking the beach and had an attached bathroom."

Response:  Wouldn't it be great if the beach had an attached bathroom? Those pesky connectors like the word "and" always send the wrong signal.

Number three: "Caroline glanced around then bent low and whispered a warning."

Response:  Punctuation can help with clarity. Wouldn't it be a faster read if the sentence said: "Caroline glanced around, bent low, and whispered a warning." Generic words always pose a problem. "Around" is one such example. What if, Caroline glanced left and right before she bent low. If she did go in a circle, the word "twirled" adds more clarity than "around."

Number four:  "Though, if I had to shoot through my purse today, I'd be madder than a hornet." She wrinkled her nose and untucked it from the pit of her arm. "It's new."

Response:  Plastic surgery, anyone? Yes, it's a difficult day when one has to untuck their nose from their armpit.  The purse would be easier.

Number five:  "Well what's wrong then?" Jackson asked, then before she had time to answer ran another question to her on its heels. "You haven't been spotted...?"

Response:  As with the previous example, body parts can be cumbersome to reference. Why not identify the other speaker with greater specificity than a pronoun? Place a period after asked. Insert "Judy's mouth gaped without a word spoken. 'You haven't been spotted...'"

Undoubtedly there's more examples in the world of writing. I'm returning to my efforts to craft words imbued with clarity so strong no reader misunderstands or has to detour into a foggy mist of vagary. My fingers are crossed for both you and me.

Donan Berg's latest literary effort is Alexa's Gold, a romance mystery with extra thrills. Click this link for to obtain a free sample of Alexa's Gold e-book , multiple e-readers supported. The trade paperback arrives at major retailers April 25, 2017.

Author Berg's 2016 First Place Gold Award romance, One Paper Heart, remains available at www.smashwords.com/books/view/553245, libraries, and major book retailers.

Explore New Writing

Merry Christmas

Wishing all, individually and collectively, the merriest 2016 Christmas ever.

I filled a lull to engage in reading aspiring novel writers outside the stream of those for whom I get paid to do freelance editing.

The novel picked up today, women's fiction, stopped me cold in the first few pages.

This book and writer, who shall remain anonymous, hit me with the following two sentences:

1.  "Anne spent the next year was in a blur of creative frenzy."

Obviously the word "was" should be deleted as one simple grammar cure.

Even then the narrative presentation smacks of dullness. I think I know what is meant. You may get a greater understanding if I reveal Anne is a portrait painter.

Would you say "blur" is the right word? Blur can be defined as "obscure," "haze,"

"stain," "cloud," and "dim."

Rather than "spent" would you be more impressed if Anne "unleashed" a frenzy of creative talent?

2.  "Inside the warmth and happy mood lighting welcomed them, and they ...."

Are you dangling with me? If you read further, the scene starts as two people walk into and begin a conversation in a bar. You might rearrange the words to state: "Warm lighting and a happy mood welcomed ___ and ___ ." That may not be true. It could be "____ and ____, in a happy mood, were welcomed by the bar's warmth." "Happy mood" could be expanded to tilt one's understanding in another direction: "Joyous voices, interrupted by song and laughter, greeted _____ and _____."

No matter what you decide, isn't the fact that you had to delay your reading to grasp an understanding of what the words were crafted to mean annoying?

Still, it's no reason to avoid new writers. Pick up one of their books or download a digital copy. The hunt for hidden treasure is always exciting.

Again, Merry Christmas.