Writing Analysis - The Bones Dance Foxtrot

Statistical fiction writing analysis is a fun exercise.

How the results are interpreted becomes a writer's individual journey.
A dash of faith is required to accept the topic ranges as fair or supported
by empirical data.

I submitted The Bones Dance Foxtrot, Second Skeleton Series Mystery.
It's a novel available in trade paperback and e-book worldwide,
free on Amazon's KindleUnlimited. Author Donan Berg Amazon Page

Here is what was determined by the word analysis.

Generic words 2.15%  (Less than acceptable range, which should be good.)

Flesch Kincaid Grade 5.73 (Reads at sixth grade level.)

Adverbs 5.19%  (Less than acceptable range, which should be good.)

Passive sentences 4.37% (At range bottom.)

Adjectives 6.24% (Within range.)

Sentence length 9.47 words. (At range's lower end.)

Initial pronouns 2.07% (At range's lower end.)

Difficult sentences 19.79% (At range middle.)

Best genre is mystery/detective/police procedural. (44.69% )

To forge a conclusion from the above results adds further subjectivity.
The novel's length is approximately 86,000 words. Lower than the acceptable
range of generic words suggests the words written were specific. This may account
for the mid-range sentence difficulty, however, the sixth grade comprehension
level indicates readability wasn't hindered, nor was it a PhD dissertation.

Perhaps, the short sentence length coupled with active sentences (i.e., a low
number of passive sentences) mitigated the difficult sentences effect? The low
number of initial sentence pronouns supports sentence variety.

Authors should remember that the typical reader doesn't parse sentences or
count words. He or she reads. If the author makes the story interesting and easy,
the more read the work will be.

Secondary Mystery Characters Who Play Fair

It’s a mystery reader’s challenge and the name-of-the-game: Every character who populates a page could be a suspect. While the author and reader know who is and who isn’t, the reader can’t be sure. The author must play fair.

 Secondary characters main role is usually to move the story along. They serve food and drink to the sleuth, drive him or her around, are family members or associates who attend holiday parties.

 Often sketchy and written in without taxing the author’s brain, these secondary characters challenge the reader, especially in early chapters. The author also faces a dilemma. If drawn to narrow, the reader quickly dismisses the character as not a suspect. Flat, one-dimensional characters also create lifeless reading.

 The author who desires to have as many viable suspects as possible can not overlook the minor characters, especially on their stage debut. That is because, if the only three-dimensional characters are the hero/sleuth and the villain/criminal, the reader won’t have any fun in trying to decipher whodunit.

 The balancing fulcrum between reader and author must be fair play.

 Fair play in that the reader knows as much as the sleuth and there are multiple suspects.

 If the sleuth enters a supermarket, what type of individual might he find?

Example one:

The obese, heavyset white-shirted male with the store badge clipped to his black belt knelt near an aisle merchandise display.  His gray hair and facial wrinkles said he neared retirement. He chewed a yellow pencil stub as if it were a toothpick. His brown eyes were downcast and hardly brighter than his scuffed black shoes.

 Comment on Example one:

 Many writers pass off this physical description as strong characterization. Other than outward appearance, what do we know about this character. Is he a clerk, a middle-level manager, or the store owner. Was he concerned with merchandise or had he dropped something? There’s a lot we don’t know and nothing that really makes this male memorable, except the writer really wanted us to know the character carried extra weight by the needless repetition.

Example two:

The purple-shirted male with a shaven head knelt with his hob-nailed engineer boots blocking any grocery store cart that dared attempt to pass him. The red of his bulbous nose contrasted sharply with deep-set dark eyes. A red bandana tucked into his rear blue jeans pocket lay limp against his right butt.

Comment on Example two:

This exaggerated attempt to add “color” to the character spins a blurry and confusing palette. Is this person young and not know better or old and doesn’t care. Perhaps, he stopped into the store for water before he was to set out for the costume party. Who knows? These types of characters don’t ring true to the reader. It draws unneeded attention to the author. The reader. as well, might question the motives of the author, and not in a good way.

Example three:

The store clerk pushing a wheeled merchandise-laden cart hummed “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear.” Must be new, Detective Jim thought. He hadn’t met this blue-jacketed young man before.

     “You practicing for Christmas Eve?”

     “Easter,” said the clerk. He grinned and Jim knew he wasn’t serious.

      “Where’s the eggnog?”

      “Aisle 9.”

Comment on Example three.

 What does this brief introduction tell the reader about the young man? Yes, young, but we don’t know years so the reader must actively engage his or her imagination and draw upon personal experience. May be a high school or college student working during the Christmas break. He wears what might be a common clerk uniform jacket so the reader can deduce he’s an employee. If he hums, there’s an indication of how he approaches his tasks. His response to Detective Jim indicates a sense of humor. Since he knows where the eggnog is, he’s either studied the store layout or has worked there for a sufficient time to become familiar.  If not naturally friendly, perhaps he’s sophisticated in how to hide his true feelings.

Summary:

 The store clerk in the last example hasn’t been over developed. Yet, if need be, his character can reappear later. It’s the same gradual process of creating major characters.

 Examine your secondary characters. If the restaurant server is mentioned only because a plate of food must be in front of the sleuth, there is likely no reason even to give the server a name or gender. If the server is in a cowboy outfit and that is a way to identify the restaurant as a BBG joint, then by all means add this as one of the few details necessary to orient the reader.

 One last point, in real-life we often learn more about another person by the way they act and talk than by their dress. Detective Jim will likely remember the clerk’s humming rather than he wore an employee uniform. Chances are the reader will, too.

Donan Berg's latest novel is a romance entitled One Paper Heart. Read a free sample of One Paper Heart by clicking the underlined link or at your favorite online bookseller.

His recent mystery is Adolph's Gold. Read a free sample at the following link Adolph's Gold or online at your favorite bookseller.

Author Donan Berg's One Paper Heart excerpt

Enjoy the following excerpt from romance contest winning author Donan Berg's first romance novel. He promised the first chapter, but as you read you'll find it continues into Chapter Two. If you don't tell, we won't. You can reward our error by visiting www.smashwords.com/books/view/553245 . There's a longer sample there. How far it goes, we don't know. You can discover. If you enjoy, write a review.

One Paper Heart

Donan Berg

DOTDON Books

Moline IL

 

DOTDON Books are published by

 

DOTDON Personalized Services

514 17th Street

PO Box 1302

Moline IL 61266-1302

 

Author e-mail: mystery@abodytobones.com

 

Library of Congress Control Number:  2015908571

 

 

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in, or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the copyright owner and DOTDON Books, Moline, IL, except for brief quotation in a review.

This is a work of fiction. The places, characters, and events represent the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental.

Cover by James  GoOnWrite.com

 

Copyright ©2015 Donan B. McAuley

ISBN 13: 978-1-941244-09-8 (E-book)

ISBN 10: 1941244092

 

ISBN 13: 978-1-941244-10-4 (Paper)

ISBN 10: 1941244106

 

First U.S. Edition: August 2015

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

 

To lovers, now and forever.

There is a heart of muscle and blood.

There is a heart that guides our soul.

There is a heart of yearning and peace.

There is a heart we search ever for.

 

May the full benefit of all be yours.

 

Express your love, and pray for

all who have or will sacrifice

to keep this world safe.

Chapter One

The romantic flames of Alicia Danielson’s sweet dreams flared into conscious panic. A sliver of red light from the triple ones on her digital alarm clock oriented Alicia to her bedroom door. Two coughs of acrid smoke convinced her to abandon her search for a robe. On hands-and-knees, she crawled toward her three-room Minneapolis apartment’s hallway exit. Sweat drips and the fear of being burned alive snowballed to spur her determination. Yesterday’s funk of dying a twenty-six-year-old spinster laminated by a budding hysteria.

A raspy third cough tore at the raw lining of her constricted throat. When her heartbeat amplified the faint hallway doorknob jangle, she willed her butt not to rest on her heels and lurched her shoulders forward. Smoke curled and swirled past her ears.

Unable to hold her breath and lessened the pain of her smoke-irritated lungs, she whispered, “Dam. Hoover Dam.” For twenty-three years since age three, she’d deleted the “n” and disguised the profane word “damn” by pairing it with real concrete dams. While at first it was to avoid her mother’s soap bar inside her mouth, her quirk blossomed into moments of schoolyard pride. If challenged, her dog-eared atlas proved her prowess to name each and every United States dam. For those itty-bitty dams without names in Minnesota’s Hennepin County, she’d rattle off the numbers of highways leading to and across them. It grew to be a crutch to relieve stress.

When her forehead banged the metal hallway door, she shouted as loud as she could, “Help.” Grand Coulee Dam. “Help me.”

Alicia flinched. She sucked the twinge from three right-hand fingertips. “Where are you?” Alicia’s throat ached. “I’m here.” The door’s hot doorknob confirmed that flames, prepared to sear human flesh, lurked inches away. Intensified gray-blackish smoke seeped under her high-rise’s tenth floor door. Sirens outside blared. With each blast, Alicia cursed the ditzy blonde rental agent who pooh-poohed fire emergencies to extol the virtue that higher floors muffled late night street noise.

Alicia rejected all worry about makeup. Neither she nor any other woman needed lipstick at two in the morning for firemen in Darth Vader masks. Her three spaced shrieks inflamed her vocal cords. I’m doomed. Fire engine ladders never extend higher than the seventh floor.

The medical examiner won’t care. With her chest sliced and peeled back, her god-enhanced bar-coded breast assets would wiggle as a synchronized dancing pair on a stainless steel audition tray while her toes dripped water droplets from the corpse washing spray.

Alicia flattened her torso to the floor to breathe in the coolest heated air. Her teary eyes burned. Don’t be hysterical. Gather your wits. Slow your emotions. Lock and Dam No. 4, flow south Ol’ Man River.

A thunderous crash on the other side of the hallway door bounced the floor beneath her body.

“Have the police checked this floor?” The muffled gruff voice goose-bumped her skin.

Looters? Alicia held her breath. A second crash flung her rearward. Smoke billowed.

A gloved hand forced her lower jaw into her upper lip and then the pressure subsided.

Alicia screamed. She shuddered as a sprayed callused hand compressed her cheeks. Alien prickled-skin fingers rubbed as if to probe and scrub the innermost recesses of her skin’s pores. Her paralyzed vocal cords unable to squeak. Her left instep painfully scraped her threshold’s hard lip. Strong powerful hands squeezed her waist.

Alicia wished she could’ve gazed into her rescuer’s heavenly eyes to be smitten forever. His Neil Armstrong bubble helmet temporarily denied her all opportunity.

Muscular arms clutched her tight to connected hoses and the oxygen tank strapped to her rescuer’s chest. They dashed to chilly air beneath a street lamppost. A thin blanket warmed her boobs indented by metal tank edges and braided-hose connectors. She expected the crenated depressions to disappear in two weeks if no scars lasted.

Chapter Two

Alicia loved her new South Minneapolis third floor apartment. Macho alpha fireman hero Joel energized her life with her first real dates in two years. True to her Mom’s admonition to save herself for marriage, Alicia’s dates began and ended outdoors, in daylight, to avoid all suggestion of physical contact encouraged by darkness. Her and Joel’s dating length broke her previous longevity record.

It had been a year since her fire escape and Joel’s inspection of her new building before she signed the lease had set her mind at ease. What Joel couldn’t prevent was her loss of her third grade teacher employment nor offer her a solid lead to an elementary vacancy.

Alone in her bedroom, she stretched her fingers above her Dell keyboard to invigorate blood flow. Coy with Joel, she labored in secret to revise her romance novella after a New York City literary agent had scribbled in the margins of her thirty-second rejection letter the first encouraging professional words she ever received. Her fictional fireman, christened Joseph and nicknamed Joe, lived happily ever after with the damsel he rescued from an East End warehouse fire. Alicia prayed the novella would garner the recognition necessary to jump-start acceptance of her full length novel, “A Search Fulfilled.”

Atop her frilly bedspread, Alicia’s cell phone chirped and vibrated.

Alicia’s slipper heels propelled her and the computer desk chair rearward. The chair’s rollers caught her elongated floral-patterned blue nightgown hem. Without last year’s protruding stomach fat, she grabbed flannel and jerked her chair sideways to free her hem.

“Claiborne Lock and Dam, Alabama,” she whispered. The shrill chirps stopped; she pressed redial to connect with her Mom. “Yesss, Mom.” How many times did she have to repeat herself? “I’m applying for a new teaching position. No, Mom. I haven’t given up. Sure, I’ll be home Sunday for dinner.” Alicia bit her tongue. “No, Aunt Agnes shouldn’t bring her card-playing friend’s visiting nephew. Love you, too.”

Connecticut Dam. Mansfield Hollow Dam. Her quirk soothed Alicia’s frustration.

She sighed. Her irritation with Mom had ebbed since her twenty-first birthday. Deep down Alicia realized an embedded uncontrollable grandmother DNA gene governed her mother’s actions. Her diminutive aunt last Christmas nearly burst the blood vessels on Mom’s forehead by asking Alicia if she’d ever visited Le Adult Toys on East Jervis, off East Hennepin Avenue. Mom’s icy glare, and near faint, distracted Aunt Agnes from Alicia’s failure to answer.

With her novella revision fresh in her mind, there wasn’t time to brood about Mom’s latest matchmaking attempt. Mom would never relent. Alicia would bet all the calories in a Dunkin Donut glazed donut dozen, a favorite she’d given up with her diet, that Mom had cajoled Aunt Agnes to bring the nephew.

With her blond hair air-dried from an earlier shower, Alicia hustled to slip into a brown peasant dress and sandals. Joel would ring the lobby buzzer within the hour. She loved his attention, his sweetness. To protect her diet from the salty French fries Joel craved, she’d filled a picnic basket with tuna fish sandwiches and cut vegetables.

Alicia answered the buzzer. “You’re early. I’ll be right down.”

Neither Joel’s puffy gray eyes nor his brief lobby hug lingered. The smoky scent of burnt wood did. Her stomach turned over, over, and over, almost in sync with the fire engine lights she imagined and repressed. A year, and her fire fear never completely vanished.

“I’ll carry that.” Joel’s muscular right arm reached for her picnic basket. “Lake Minnetonka here we come.”

As they turned the apartment building’s north corner for the parking lot, late morning sun beads twinkled on the complex’s swimming pool surface and wherever splashed water collected on the its terra cotta deck. The pool’s ambiance didn’t excite her. Her agreement to Lake Minnetonka saved her from packing the black Lane Bryant one-piece bathing suit since discarded.

Within minutes they were in luck. No picnic table, but a clean grassy knoll dappled with shade beneath a fifty-foot oak. Alicia straightened the Army blanket’s corner after Joel snapped it and allowed it to float to the ground.

“Let’s take a walk,” Alicia suggested.

Joel’s droopy eyelids struggled to maintain the narrowest of slits. “Sorry. Little tired. Fought a four-alarmer into the wee hours.”

While she begrudged his audacity, she accepted his apology. Alicia extracted her portable radio from her picnic basket. As she spun the dial, bits of music, most jumbled, permeated the air until she lit upon easy-listening.

Propped against the oak, Joel muttered, “If you don’t mind, I’ll eat in a few minutes.” He rolled onto his left side.

Alicia bit her lower lip. Her open Harlequin paperback lay upside down beside her. To onlookers, she and Joel appeared to be an old married couple. Like her physician asking her to estimate her pain on a scale of one to ten, she rated her loneliness at ninety-nine. She aimlessly watched two pairs of parading mallards splash into the lake. Nature created romance. How could she write romance if only despair floated through her system?

“Whatcha doing?” Alicia tried to smile through her question.

“Twins baseball is on ‘CCO.”

Alicia squelched her anger as he switched the dial from music to sports, not her thing. During the between inning commercials she expected at least limited conversation. Didn’t happen. In the secret chambers of her heart, where her pride reigned, rational thought of six months of dates with Joel dissolved into emotional nothingness. When Joel snored, she stared at him lying on his back, eyes closed. To be polite, she nibbled on a tuna fish sandwich rather than chance disturbing him with repeated crisp celery bites.

His lips moved. Alicia leaned forward and couldn’t decipher his words until he muttered he’d have her sweaty, pinned against the tree. He didn’t spelled out “have” and Alicia chose to play it safe and not challenge her assault imagery or the word’s definition. She loathed to be a prop to Joel’s ego.

When the nearby church bell chimed three times, she jostled Joel’s shoulders twice. She pointed out the lengthened sun rays and suggested they leave. She entered her apartment with a still heavy picnic basket and the tingle of a lingering kiss on her cheek.

Twice in the next two weeks, Alicia declined Joel’s date requests. His third week telephone calls she let ring without answering.

 

No Foolin' New 5-star Review for A Body To Bones

No fooling. April 1, 2015 brought forth a Five Star review for Donan Berg's A Body To Bones, First Skeleton Series Mystery.

As published on Amazon.com by Karsun:

In-Depth Characters and Background

"A Body To Bones by Donan Berg is a book that is the first Skeleton Series Mystery and it immediately drew me in.

"The book is about an old secret, one that won't remain buried and threatens to not only involve Sarah's family but she is the target of a killer.

"I loved this from the start, which was set in the past. Immediately it captured my interest and made me want to keep reading - from prologue to the end. I enjoy mysteries and this was not only written well but had depth and imagination without becoming too unrealistic. Instead, it was a story that made me want to keep tapping away at my Kindle in order to get to the next chapter.

"If you love a good mystery and characters that are rich in depth and background, this is definitely the book you'll want to read."

New 2015 5-star A Body To Bones review

Donan Berg's debut mystery novel, A Body To Bones, First Skeleton Series Mystery, receives a March 2015 Five-Star review at Amazon.com.

Reviewer Grady Harp wrote:

"As he (author Berg) states the common denominator for his stories is a series of characters who battle everyday concerns to become truly heroic.

"A BODY TO BONES is his first Skeleton Series Mystery. He grabs our attention with a confessional that bodes mystery - in 1954 a woman confesses she is carrying a child not the progeny of her husband. 'One life extinguished was the result of an unholy union. It's death does not unburden me. My failure to be morally strong and my failure to honor my mother do not go away. I feel ashamed, conflicted. I cannot be truthful. To speak out will only bring shame, chastisement, and hurt the persons I love who live, or the memory of those departed. It's hard to hold it all inside, to not let the lies be seen, to bear all the pain in secret behind an accepted façade.'

"In 1964, Oscar does not comprehend the magnitude of what he discovers, its potential to bring a killer out of hiding to strike again, or a past connection to the penitent and her confession of ten years prior. Already we are immersed in a scenario that bodes evil.

(Quoted author synopsis is omitted.)

"Donan writes with the skill of a practiced artist, retaining some of the special Irish flavor that flows in his system. He creates characters about whom we care and with whom we can easily identify despite the rigor of mystery that surrounds them. His use of his little town newspaper headlines and stories adds a clever and credible aspect to his writing. But most important is the fact that despite this being a debut novel, Donan has his pen so polished that he leaves us with the need to read more of his work. He is a find!"

Four Donan Berg Writing Entries Win

Author Donan Berg’s three winning stories dominated the 2014 short/long series romance category at the 9^th Annual Dixie Kane Memorial Writing Contest. Coordinator Nicholas Genovese of the sponsoring RWA SOLA Chapter announced the results today.

Author Berg’s entries were “Twice Tempted,” second place; “Ashley - A Lake Series Romance,” third place; and “Love in Lilac,” honorable mention.

For inspirational novels, Author Berg’s “Rosemary’s Awakening” won third place.

In “Twice Tempted,” shrewd businesswoman Cherry Everex inherits a New Orleans hockey club. An acrimonious annulment from the team’s star forward, Shane Hull, is nullified by a state law change. It wrecks havoc with their personal relationship and clashes with their divergent ideas for whether to sell  the hockey team.

“Ashley - A Lake Series Romance.” Ashley Ulrich saves Peter Edwards from drowning and they fight a ruthless real estate developer for love and money.

“Love in Lilac.” Connie Nunnley fights to save her dementia-inflicted grandfather’s newspaper from bankruptcy. She falls in love with new advertiser, Lucas Knowles, whose business interests conflict with Connie’s.

“Rosemary’s Awakening” is a fictional account of a courageous young Iowa woman’s battle to regain life and love after a competitive horse race mishap confines her to a wheelchair.

“I’m honored to be in a great circle of talented writers,” said Berg. “The Dixie Kane competition annually ranks as one of the premier United States writing contests. To be recognized for a third year in 2014 is a great thrill.”

Author Donan Berg has five murder/mystery novels, a stand-alone short story and a short story collection in print and electronic formats, published by DOTDON Books, Moline, IL. He previously cracked the Dixie Kane winner’s circle in 2010 and 2013.

CASI, Davenport, IA, Book Club selected his novel, Adolph’s Gold, a murder/mystery police procedural, as its October 2014 selection.

His 2009 debut novel, A Body To Bones, debuted at number 27 in the top 50 most popular books, all genres, at AuthorsDen.com, an online literary community visited by a million plus authors and readers every month. A year later on September 19, 2010, his novel held its top 50 ranking as the 32nd most popular. His novels are in libraries nationwide, including Davenport, Iowa City, Moline, Rock Falls, and Rock Island. A Writer’s Digest judge wrote: “Donan Berg writes a nice, clear, consistently readable prose, and he manages to create a winning character in Sarah Hamilton.”

Following A Body To Bones, he’s authored The Bones Dance Foxtrot (2009), Bubbling Conflict and Other Short Stories (2010), Abbey Burning Love (2011, E-book only), Baby Bones (2012), Amanda (2014) and Adolph’s Gold (2014).

The Dixie Kane Memorial Contest is named for the late New Orleans writer Linda Kay West, who wrote under the pen name Dixie Kane. The sponsoring New Orleans chapter is a non-profit literary organization dedicated to the craft and business of writing book length fiction with a focus on romance.

Happy Veterans Day

To all who served in the United States military and those who supported them: Happy Veterans Day.


Words are simple; actions superior. May the fruits of your dreams and the magnitude of your sacrifice endure for all ages.

In Memoriam

 

The funeral home’s lush brown carpet captured our six footsteps until the door creaked. Four heels clicked and two soles squeaked on the greenish-gray linoleum squares in the room protected by the windowless door. Closed to public view were gleaming silver sinks, water sprayers and metal knives and stainless steel counters, fixed and rolling. Our lips remained pressed silent.

 

“Did I make a good choice?” my brother asked, his words light enough to drop to the floor within six feet.

 

“Dad would be pleased," I whispered. There was nothing else for me to say. To fulfill my Dad’s request, the gray cardboard coffin that speckled like a Broadway Play flat arrived via special delivery. He had made us all promise that what had been ordered for Mother would be good enough for him.

 

The special cremation coffin number three on his list. He made us promise two other things: one, no embalming; two, no official service or obituary. While we unanimously didn’t agree with his reasoning, he presented a simple truth. He’d not been born in this country and it contained no record of his birth so he deemed it fitting and proper that no public record of his death need be created. Dad said that something with no beginning also lacked an end. My brain cells sprouted no effective rebuttal. My brother and sister agreed Dad lived his life in his manner. There were neither roofs nor walls on his thoughts. His body would join them on the wind.

 

My brother had argued with Dad stating that the government owed him a flag, a stars and stripes for his military service. If so, Dad replied to us all, you decide who keeps it. Better I not be planted in the ground, he said, beneath cloth, which in a season becomes tattered and torn.

 

The funeral director lowered the white sheet to my Dad’s shoulders. We all gasped. This was not our Dad. The brown wavy hair could have been his, but this hollow face of a man—never!

 

The eyes we saw were clouded as if Dad’s cataracts had regrown across his artificially implanted lenses. His cheeks were sunken, water drops collected in the crevices as if the sun had ducked behind a cloud and obscured the drying rays. The bluish hint of death knocked from afar as if the funeral director had locked it into the rear of the hearse parked outside.

 

My sister had rifled Dad’s closet for a suit and the blackness hung draped across her arm.

 

“We don’t really don’t need clothes if there’s to be no viewing,” the funeral director said. “Have you changed your mind?”

 

“No,” I whispered.

 

“Then I’ll give you all a few moments to say good-bye. The documents are all ready and the plane leaves this afternoon.”

 

His words of “I miss Mother,” swirled in my head. I did, too. Now, I’d miss them both.

Where to begin? Amaze Yourself.

Driving on a rural road this past weekend surrounded by cornfields prompted a writing thought: where does one best begin the next story. At the beginning is a vague answer that, while true, is worthless. Any word written on a blank page is a opening to a story, but is it the best?


The green corn stalks seen in August will, in the upcoming months, turn brown and be ready for machines with metallic pointed snouts that will pluck the cobs of dented yellow kernels and shoot them into trailing wagon beds. After the precision GPS-guided chopping of selected rows, the harvested stalks left standing will morph into a fanciful Halloween maze.


The created maze can metaphorically represent the task of where does one begin his or her novel? The variables are endless, often confusing, and perhaps daunting to the nth degree.


If there is an apparent opening, all may be well and good until trapped by a dead end. If there's no entrance visible, there's nothing to stop a writer from hacking through the exterior maze perimeter to find a carved out pathway. Either way for the writer is likely to result in his or her trashing written pages, perhaps a hundred or more.


If one is reminded that every novel has a logical central point or an emotional heart, why not sit (for fantasy purposes only) on the end of a catapult's arm and be flung into the maze's center? Or find the nearest mountaintop to give one a bird's eye view to create a strategic maze plan to locate the story character's pivotal decision. The problem with being dropped into the maze's center is that one loses all the prior decisions and information gained that fleshes out the character's journey.


While reader's most often dread any story's middle, to get there without experiencing what initiated the character's imbalance results in bewilderment and/or anger when not fully in the know. The reader has been deprived of the logical steps leading to the story's satisfaction.


In addition the story progression requires strong interrelated elements. Just as chopping off the necessary triggering imbalance leads to reader apathy, not proceeding along the maze paths creates a disconcerting jumble for the reader.


In the end, getting into the maze and twisting and turning, even retreating from a dead end, can be an exhilarating experience for the reader as well as the writer.


Ps, If the writer jettison's thousands of words, all is not lost. They were probably geared to the maze that exists for the next novel.

No Rhyme or Reason

Writers, and I include myself, fumble and perspire to create the best prose possible. We judge ourselves, unmercifully so. And, what is the commercial outcome? We don't know. It's impossible for us to project. And, that's the truth.


This simple truth was no more apparent to me then this week. Attending a book club of which I've been a member for years where the books are member-chosen it's always interesting to see what selections are agreed upon. This month's book, the core of which I had no quarrel, did cause me pause in that the writing switched numerous times from past to present tense. I have no quarrel with either tense (in fact I've written novels utilizing both) but it drove me to distraction when reading to have to switch from one to the other, back again, and then to switch again.


Yet, while fellow book clubbers had no difficulty appreciating my concern, they were willing to overlook it. As one member said, this was a first time author. What a break. I stayed silent, but thought where was the book editor.


This past week I found a copy of a book on editing by Sol Stein. Admittedly it was an old book. However, editing principles don't change that quickly, if ever. He took to task The Firm, an early novel by John Grisham that achieved remarkable sales. And, one of many movies made from Mr. Grisham's writing endeavors. The point by Editor Stein was that commercial fiction could be successful even if it didn't meet what could be considered "literary" standards of writing quality. One can not begrudge the success of Mr. Grisham, in fact, it should be idolized for, notwithstanding critical judgments, he's made the book buyers of the world ring his cash register. We should all be so fortunate.


Nevertheless, we shouldn't jump to the conclusion that editors, even hardnosed ones, are unnecessary and that any writer will be successful no matter what they write. Do I hear an "alleluia?"


There are many factors to successful writing. Clear prose should be one of them. It's like a well-built automobile: if nothing goes wrong and gets us economically to the intended destination, we don't give it much thought. If the onboard computer malfunctions and leaves us at the side of the road the screams of "why me" can be heard across numerous counties. In writing, concrete prose correctly presented doesn't receive encores. It's taken for granted. Or, is it?


Let's say it ups a writer's chance to obtain reader approval. Reader approval will make for greater sales of the current book and, hopefully, others that follow.


As a native of Ireland, I'm mindful of the Irish author who came to New York, wrote four novels, and achieved no commercial success. After his death, his novels were "discovered" and made his heirs or the publisher a pretty penny. Was he a failure as he thought? Apparently not depending on when the judgment is made. So, does this true to life story inspire? We can hope so, not that I wish any writer to die.


There is no rule that says violation of what is considered to be preferred writing style will condemn that writer to failure or poverty. However, there are many other writers who gain both monetary and public acclaim by being exceptional writers, not by talent alone, but by hard word in learning the craft of writing, nurturing their own instincts, and abiding by the skills gleamed from others. There is no official survey, but I would speculate that those writers who have acquired and polished the skills espoused by well-known and esteemed editors have prospered by all yardsticks of success.


Yes, there will always be exceptions. Isn't it better to shoot for the majority road to success?


If you answer, the truth will be known to you and you need not share, but keep on writing.


Author Donan Berg has published five novels, the latest is Adolph's Gold. It's available at major online book retailers in e-book format and in paperback (374 pages) at www.createspace.com/4713705 . He also is available for flat-fee manuscript critiques and line editing through www.authorsden.com/donanberg . Click on the marketplace link for more information. He offers a no obligation consultation. What have you to lose?


Also, he's scheduled to be on blogradio April 14, 2014, at http:www.blogtalkradio.com/vanneylive from New York City. Listen in or join the conversation with a call in.

Characterization Should Surpass History

Characterization in fiction commands top attention. That's a given. Considering history in the mix is often overlooked. It should be more than avoiding the faux pas of placing a cellphone in the hands of a Roman soldier. Yes, my example is ludicrous, but it should make the point.


If your character is an every day worker in the contemporary United States, have you considered the work environment? There are cultural influences at work. In recent history, from the 1950s onward, there's been a dramatic shift with the emphasis originally on mechanization and automation that has brought us into a larger digital world. Management has been concerned with better methods, lower costs, higher output; but the workers may be concerned with the loss of individuality in that their contributions have been downgraded, i.e., the worker is more of a cog in a machine than an thinking, problem-solving member of a team.


In fiction there is a striving for conflict. Manager versus worker is a no-brainer. But for the fiction to be credible, there must be a recognition that the concepts of leadership have changed greatly since the 1950s. In the United States, from the beginning of the century to 1950, the leadership philosophy was that "leaders were born, not made." The leaders were charismatic. And fiction writers using this time period, then or now, must reflect that.


In portraying characters, the boss as a character was "king of the mountain" and his word trickled down to the workers in the valley. The boss set the goals and did so unilaterally. The whole scheme to be set out in fiction had to recognize this hierarchical model.


The system, whether ideal or not, seemed to work. The United States with six percent of the world's population, seven percent of the world's land mass, had almost fifty percent of the world's wealth.


Now, since 1950, the workplace has changed dramatically. The complexity of the task, at least in the worker's eye, is such that no one manager can either absorb or innately have enough knowledge to know everything. The worker may be told what to do, but he or she does have the necessary acceptance to believe in the unerring wisdom of the manager.


Fiction has to acknowledge, if not accept, that the whole concept of leadership in the United States has changed. Modern-day managers must act on the basis of getting the sanction and support of subordinates.


If your fiction presents a workplace with a very structure-centered, rule-centered manager, and the time is present day, that may stress the seams of reader credibility. Sure, such workplaces may exist, but if fiction is to present the extreme as the mainstream the necessary suspension of disbelief will be harder to obtain.


What is the fiction writer to do? If he or she portrays an outdated workplace, it's an uphill battle to win the reader. If he or she portrays the workplace as a modern day cooperative venture, the goal to increase tension and conflict is tamped down and bores the reader.


That there has been and will forever be conflict in the workplace between manager and worker can almost be taken as a given. If so, what to do?


If you want to have conflict and a problem arise, envision its ancestry. Look at the relationship between manager and worker. What would be their goals? The manager may be looking a more money. The worker might like more money, but maybe he desires respect for individual contribution. What started the conflict? Was it family? Hatfields and McCoys? Was the self-made manager envious of the college-educated upstart? Perhaps there was discrimination. Any kind will do.


Maybe there is a simple miscommunication or that the manager sees the situation one way and the worker, legitimately, sees it different. Comedy writing is full of these situations.


Fiction must delve deeper. The conflict is not that one person is the boss and the other person is the worker. Be more creative and create multi-dimensional characters. The dynamics of conflict in the workplace invade from all corners of human relationships. Strive to get past the historical framework to hook your reader and then keep your reader engaged with conflict between characters that transcends the original cardboard vision of the workplace.

Adolph's Gold and an Editing Testimonial

Adolph's Gold, a 374-page trade paperback novel by Author Donan Berg, has been released. It has been available since March 25, 2014, at http://www.createspace.com/4713705 . Priced at $14.95, it is slated for extended market distribution in the days ahead. Latest information is that it's already displayed on Author Berg's pages at www.amazon.com .


The Adolph's Gold e-book version, released March 13, 2014, is available at www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/398225 and other online book retailers worldwide.

Praise is always welcome and appreciated.

Feedback on what a person does is extremely important. Within one day of my completing a scientific manuscript editing Saturday, the following e-mail arrived in my inbox:


"Thank you very much for your excellent manuscript editing. The manuscript has been substantially improved with your help and looks very nice." Signed Y. Y.


This was the first scientific manuscript edit I agreed to attempt. While not a work of fiction or a non-scientific manuscript, my research into what scientific papers require showed that, outside of format, which is easily learned, there is a common thread to good writing.


As an aside, I must say, any repulsion I had against animal research was mitigated when the procedures explained were done with compassion and had a direct correlation to improving human health and survival.


Good writing transcends the subject matter is a truism all writers should all remember.


For all who chose to read this blog post, until March 25, 2014, go to www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/405595 and enter the coupon code HN522 at checkout and receive the short story "Amanda" for free as a thank you for visiting this blog.

The Path to Create

 

A reader doesn’t willy-nilly wander just any path in your writing. He or she sprints, trudges, or aimlessly wanders in step with the journey you, as a crafty writer, have created to prod or enthrall the reader into. If you’ve plotted adeptly or strung your ideas on an unbroken string, the reader doesn’t get lost or shunted to the path of disbelief. This includes fiction where a major purpose of the writer’s task is to build suspense, throw in a red herring, or tilt the reader’s sense of balance.

Prose that is loose and unstructured loses the reader along with the writer.

Two writing concepts: “unity” and “flow” are often dressed or considered to be identical twins but really aren’t. “Unity” is a coherent journey that, more likely than not, takes the reader back to a character’s beginning in either time, space, thought, or location. “Flow” is pacing and markers along the reader’s journey that keeps he or she moving forward to the next page, the newest thought built on or created out of a previous thought, or the revelation of an underlying theme.

While Tarzan swung from vine to vine, he had to keep looking forward to determine if the next jungle tree was strong enough to hold his weight and offered a new vine able to swing in the direction he wished to travel. Each tree or vine could be a different native species. It didn’t matter. Writing instructors often use the analogy of a flagstone path. Each stone is of a different dimension and/or shape, yet together they “flow” in a direction that can be discerned and followed.

“Unity” is to make each tree or stone suggestive of the journey and provide for its accomplishment. Linkage is how you, as the writer, arrange and order the individual pieces. You as writer keep adding new things: Tarzan meets Jane. Tarzan reaches for a coconut. Tarzan avoids the swipe of a lion’s paw. You’re building Tarzan’s life. Giving the reader perspective and insight into Tarzan’s existence.

While Tarzan grows wiser, he ages. The sun dips below the horizon and dawn breaks to provide transition between days. A scrape on Tarzan’s leg first bleeds, the escaping blood coagulates into a clot, a protective scab forms, and then the healing process culminates when the scab dries up and disappears to leave new skin. Similarly, Tarzan’s life events are expounded upon and blended together like the transition of a healing wound.

But be on guard for tried-and-true words and phrases that may be convenient, but should be avoided. Example: “After having …” Having means the action has already taken place. The writer has indicated he or she is writing about the past. You would not say” “After having looked around the forest, Tarzan eyed a cypress.” Redundancy abounds. Use either “after” or “having.” “After looking around the forest, Tarzan eyed a cypress.” Or, “Having gazed about the forest, Tarzan eyed a cypress.”

Tarzan swung from a cypress to an oak and then to a palm tree. The coconuts were ripe, unlike two months previous. A single action ties together Tarzan’s journey and experience. There is both flow and unity. The logic is implicit and, while the writer keeps the reader on a unified journey, the flow is a separate entity for it may be fast, slow or impeded.

While the flow may vary, unity should be one coherent and constant path.

Author Donan Berg's latest novel, Adolph's Gold, will be available March 13, 2014 at major e-book retailers, and www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/398225 . Not willing to wait until March 13 to read a sample, go to www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/398225 for a free sample read. Pre-orders are $2.99, the lowest available price. Expect price to increase after release.

Also now out, Author Donan Berg's latest short story, Amanda, $0.99 cents, at www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/405595 . If you e-mail a copy of a pre-order receipt for Adolph's Gold don@dotdonbooks.com from Barnes and Noble, Apple, or Kobo, you'll be given
a coupon for a free download of Donan Berg's short story Amanda.

If you enjoy either Adolph's Gold or Amanda, please write a review.

 

 

Develop a Winning Attitude for Successful Writing

What does it take in our everyday writing lives to be successful? In order to evaluate this question it is first necessary to understand what "success" is and what all successful writers have in common. It is probably safe to assume that anyone continuing after the first sentence wants to be successful as a writer.

However, only five percent of the population will ever reach their potential for all activities, ninety-five percent will never truly be successful. It may be worse for writers. There's a common statistic that says eighty percent of the people wish to write a novel and only one percent do. That's not very encouraging if looking at the whole.

Let's assume you will be in the one percent. If you're dedicated to writing, that's not unreasonable for there is no time frame that you have to complete your project in thirty days, six months, or a year.

There are five characteristics you must have in common with successful novelists. Think Stephen King, Michael Connelly, James Patterson, Jan Burke, Patricia Cromwell, and you can add all those authors on the New York Times Best Seller list. And, yours, too, if not now, in the future.

Let's get back to the five characteristics.

One, goals. Goals are the single most important factor in achieving success. They must be realistic. You wouldn't want to say you have a goal of writing 20,000 words in a day. Sure, you could do it. But it's not realistic. Instead, bite off those 20,000 words in smaller portions to make the achievement of the eventual goal of 20,000 easier and manageable. All successful people set goals, reevaluate their goals and scale them upward to even greater achievements.

I will digress a moment. I was trying to work on three novels at once. Wasn't getting me anywhere. You can guess why. Overload. I diverted my mind with writing a one-act play on a topic of local news interest. A local community theatre ensemble offered to perform it. I sat in the audience. What I gauged from the audience reaction (positive for the most part) re-energized me. Not to rewrite the play, but which novel to focus on. My novel writing goal was now clear. (Read Adolph's Gold sample at http://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/398225 )

Two, positive attitude. Having a positive attitude is the second factor that successful writers have in common.  Say hello to a successful writer and you'll come away with a "can do" attitude. They believe and communicate in terms of the reality of their initial goal. Grab onto it. A positive attitude is contagious.

Third, truth. The truth, expressed in your writing, and everyday activities is always best for several reasons. The least may be that it's always easiest to remember. People kid about that, but it's true. If you are going to be a successful writer, and I believe you will be, you will not have time, energy, or ability to remember the untruths or lies told. Furthermore, true winners face the truth, learn from it, and triumph in the end because they never have to backtrack to cover up problem areas created by lies.

Fourth, research. Successful writers are always on the prowl for improvement. It's not only research to keep the elements of their stories faithful to reality, it's also a constant striving for improvement through seminars, reading, and listening to the ideas of others. While this may incur a cost in time and effort, not to do will bring about a return on investment (to use a banking term) that equates to zero. And the lack of effort always results in zero.

Fifth, think. A writer's ability to think is a talent to be exploited. With the ability to think, writers not only embellish plots or story lines, but they engage readers. Readers latch on to the power writers possess. This power of writing is awesome and, at times, frightening. Writers make readers believe.
Why? Because writer's already believe because they have goals, a positive attitude, speak truth, research and think.

As a writer, it's your task and opportunity to unleash that which is in you. You know you can do it.


Donan Berg's newest novel mystery/thriller Adolph's Gold comes out March 13, 2014. Read major preview sample at www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/398225 or at Barnes and Noble, Sony, or Kobo online. E-book priced at $2.99. Special pricing for libraries. Ask Amazon.com to upload for Kindle.

Seven Triggers to Writing Success

All writers desire success. I wouldn't say all unless I included myself. The difficulty is a challenge, but also an opportunity to understand and put into practice seven mental abilities that will get you there.

Why is this important to your next great novel?

While it might not be the end all to the fictional story, it should be to your entire personal life of which writing is such a fundamental part. Let's trigger your success. Here are seven.

1. Passion. All truly successful people have a driving force within them that sets them apart from others. It may not be going an extra mile in reality, but the metaphor sets forth the principle. It is that extra energy that gives you the fuel to reach your true potential. It'll be with you 24/7. It will never subside. Oh, it may seem to ebb like the tide, nevertheless, like the tide you come back as strong as ever. Your only goal is to achieve and this goal never leaves you.

2.  Belief.  Virgil is quoted to have said: "They can because they think they can." You can only do that which you believe you can do. If its a particular annual income goal or number of books sold, the belief in that goal must exist or you will never accomplish it. Your limits are self-imposed. Have a belief in what you can achieve or you will never climb the mountain and reach the summit. "Man is what he believes." -Anton Chekhov.

3. Strategy. A strategy is your game plan of life. In a novel you might label it a plot. The strategy is the road map you use to accomplish your goals, ambitions, and desires. While you must believe, there is a need to incorporate a navigation that leads you to success. Sure, there might be detours, but you'll never let a setback take away your passion and belief. You will find the shortest distance between where you are now and your ultimate goal.

4. Clarity of Values. You must determine what is of most value  to you. For some its patriotism, love of family, excellence in what you do, ownership of your life, and tolerance to your fellow man. This list is not exhaustive. You must select the moral, ethical, and fundamental core values that will guide your life. How does it fit in with the above? Without a clear system of values, you will most likely find it difficult to believe in something exhibiting a true passion. Humans typically don't believe in things they don't value. If there is no consistency in belief and value, passion will come across as a veneer not to be given credence.

5.  Energy.  Without physical vitality to take action, lack of success is the predicted outcome. This doesn't necessarily mean a sculptured body built by a gym. It means a physical, spiritual, and mental energy that allows, actually compels, you to take the first step and accomplish the most with what we have to work with. At the least it means eating nutritious food to build body strength, obtaining enough sleep to replenish our bodily systems, and not stressing over every little incident in your life. Remember, you're exercising a passion, not living a detour.

6.  Bonding Power. You will bill rapport with other people. You will use the understanding that different people see the world differently and not demean or degrade others. You will use this ability to communicate with others while not sacrificing or being deceitful about your life's values.

7.  Communication. You will take charge of your own mind. "There is only one Success - to be able to spend your life in your own way." -Christopher Morley.  You will not shy from your passion, belief, or values. You will believe that any sale of your writing should leave the purchaser with the willingness to purchase your next work. That means you'll not mislead in your one effort. You will be honest and clear in what you communicate and delve to understand, or ask questions if you're not sure, what the other person is saying.

Remember, as one wise sage once said, success if what you make it. It's out there, embrace it.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year

From all here, may you and your loved ones enjoy a Happy 2013 Christmas Holiday in peace and gratitude, no matter how or for what reason celebrated.

May your 2014 be extra special as well. Happy New Year.

Coming soon
Expect a new blog post on or about January 2 exposing the
seven triggers for success.

Free Christmas Gifts

Why shop? Oh, I know you must. It's tradition. There are loved ones you care for. They care for you. But during this busy season take a moment to ponder that you can put free gifts on your Christmas list and, in the spirit of recycling, keep giving each and every day, week, month, and year.

While others may think of many more, for this Christmas season I've compiled the following seven free gifts. And, for those of you who are not conversant in the Bible, there are added references you must check out to fulfill your experience. Let's start:

1.  The gift of LISTENING. This gift is especially prized by those individuals you know who live alone. Offer to listen face-to-face. No interrupting, no daydreaming, no pre-planning your responses. Just sit or stand there and listen with, not only, your ears but your accepting heart. (Proverbs 18:13)

2.  The gift of AFFECTIONS. If not listening, be generous to others with your hugs, kisses, and gentle squeezes of the hand. Let these tiny, often not received, actions of gentle affection be the true indicators of the love that dwells inside you. (Proverbs 15:30)

3.  The gift of a NOTE. No, not musical, but that would be okay, too. This gift is of written words on a piece of paper and could only say three words: "I love you."  If so inspired, be Shakespearean and compose a sonnet that expresses love and more. Mail or, better yet, hand-deliver your heart-felt creative expression. (Proverbs 15:30)

4.  The gift of LAUGHTER. Remember that cartoon that moved you to laugh. Cut it out; share it. Spend time and money to find a humorous card. You'll share yourself and generate a common bond that could say to the recipient that there's an uplifting side to life. (Proverbs 17:22)

5.  The gift of a COMPLIMENT. Be honest and say what comes to mind. "You look good in that outfit." "Great meal, honey." "I'm happy to see you in church." (Proverbs 15:33)

6.  The gift of a FAVOR. Help with any task. Clear the dinner dishes. Open a door. Offer to run an errand for a shut-in or an at-home recent hospital patient. There is no requirement that you know the person. Be anonymous, it's okay; but personal contact is best. (2 Samuel 2:6)

7.  The gift of a GAME. Offer a child, a shut-in, a senior, or a loved one an opportunity to play their favorite game. Be sincere, but even if you lose, you'll be a winner. For this is a great opportunity for everyone to be a winner when quality TIME is shared. (Proverbs 21:21)

Please enjoy. It's not a simple request. Experience says you, whether giver and receiver, will find a glow of happiness within. And, isn't that the Christmas miracle? 

(Please note:  Voting closed January 3, 2014. Thank you all who participated.)
If you've a mind, you can vote, no obligation, for the author's book cover during the December Cover Wars. There'll be no blood spilled, nor spears thrown, but stealth and two clicks are required. 1) Click on the following: http://masqueradecrew.blogspot.com/2013/12/17-covers-to-choose-from-in-Decembers.html , and 2) Click on the Cover Wars logo. (Ignore warning that page does not exist. It was likely put there to dissuade errant reindeer and mischievous elves.)

These two blogs are not related. Donan Berg in 2012 wrote them a guest post entitled "Q is for Quack." Other than to say it was a writing tip, it's hard to explain without repeating the entire
article. Taking a gander at 17 book covers in one easy look could be fun.

Happy Thanksgiving

To all who celebrate Thanksgiving, we wish you a glorious family holiday with bountiful blessings coming your way in return for the thanks expressed and the helping hand you've given to others.

Choose, if you must!

On a tombstone in an English cemetery:

Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I,
As I am now, so shall you be,
Remember this and follow me.

Someone later etched the following quip:

To follow you I'll not consent,
Until I know which way you went.

Description: A Writer's Challenge

Every reader’s real world visual perception has a deeper nuance and far exceeds what, with absolute certainty, the written word, even with razor-sharp precision, can create. Whether an author attempts to create a physical setting out of whole cloth or describe one that exists in nature, two challenges exist. How can you pinpoint everything to the nth degree and how do you bridge the gap existing between the totality of what you wish to convey and still maintain the interest of today’s reader? 

Let’s try an example. Dame Agatha Christie sets up her classic play, Ten Little Indians, with initial stage directions that are here reproduced with one minor deletion:

“The scene is the living room of a house on Indian Island. It is a very modern room, and luxuriously furnished. It is a bright sunlight evening. Nearly the whole of the back of the stage is a window looking directly out to sea. French doors are open in center to balcony. It should give the impression of being like the deck of a liner, almost overhanging the sea. There is a chair out on the balcony and the main approach to the house is presumed to be up steps on the left side of the balcony. . . French doors are wide so that a good area of the balcony is shown.

“In the left wall, near windows, is a door to dining room. Downstage left is a door communicating with hall. Pull cord below this door.

“Up right is a door to study. Middle stage right is fireplace. Over it hangs the reproduction of the “Ten Little Indians” nursery rhyme. On the mantelpiece are a group of ten china Indian figures. They are not spaced out, but clustered so that the exact number is not easily seen.

“Center are two sofas with space between. Chair and small table up left. Club chair with tabouret right and above it, down left, where there is also a bookcase. There is a window seat up right and cocktail cabinet below mantelpiece. Tabouret down right. Before fireplace is a big white bearskin rug with a bear’s head. There is an armchair and tabouret right center. A square ottoman at lower end of the fireplace. A settee with table left of it in front of window at the back.”

Can you imagine this scene? On your inner visual screen do you imagine colors? What colors? The only color actually mentioned is white in describing the bearskin rug. If you can see the sky through the balcony, would it be a solid blue or dotted with white, puffy clouds? Would this expanse be flat or stretch to the horizon? If either, does that affect the colors you perceive? How would it affect the reader? 

We are told the living room is very modern and luxuriously furnished. Would those words narrow your perception of color? Perhaps. But we aren’t given a date. Many colors can be perceived as modern. Some colors such as those replicating the patina of oak and mahogany are dark and have been associated with luxury for decades. Would they also be modern? Or, is there an unwanted tension created between the dark colors of wood and, say, the sparkle of gold or silver? How about visual intensity? Is one contrasting color concentrated in a small space to become a focal point?

The mantelpiece is mentioned as an important room element. Should it be noteworthy by being crafted from a light-colored stone or gilded with gold? 

Whatever the case, the discussion so far should kindle the thought that there can be no right or wrong answer in a vacuum. The purpose of room color description is most often useful only to create a mood. Dark colors conjure up gloom and/or depression and, while there are no characters mentioned in the stage directions, a dark-colored room makes it easier for a mystery’s burglar to slink into the background. Bright pastel colors could be the trigger to an older person remembering where they grew up as a child, e.g., a red lampshade, a green throw pillow on either or both sofas.

Color, important in itself, can also define shapes. Are the purple velvet curtains a vertical rectangle or visually impressive for their scalloped horizontal line at the top of the window(s) they adorn? We can probably inwardly visualize the shape and size of a bearskin rug. A fireplace or its mantel presents a greater challenge. They can vary greatly in size and design, although visually within limits. Determining what the word “tabouret” means is decidedly more difficult. There is an inherent ambiguity in the word for it can mean either a low seat without a back or arms or a small portable stand or cabinet. Since the word is used multiple times, a mixture of visualized furniture is definitely possible. Why confuse the reader? There is no good reason to. The reader would be busy enough trying to visual the room without generating more confusion, especially since we haven’t added any character yet.

And, even if one is confident in describing the room, how should it be done—all at once, or piecemeal in narrative between character dialogue, in character dialogue, or silently within the thoughts of a character? It’s a big decision. Too much narrative and you lose the reader experiencing boredom with a lack of action. Too little description and the reader will be lost for not being grounded in the context of the story.

While it would be an unending task to try to pinpoint what should be the final result of every written story, the point here is that each author needs to examine his or her setting description with an attempt to determine what is being projected into and absorbed by the reader’s mind. If the projected image is not the desired one, a different perspective is likely the best first choice for finding the solution.