On a tombstone in an English cemetery:
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I,
As I am now, so shall you be,
Remember this and follow me.
Someone later etched the following quip:
To follow you I'll not consent,
Until I know which way you went.
Friday, November 22, 2013
Monday, November 11, 2013
Description: A Writer's Challenge
Every reader’s real world visual perception has a deeper nuance and far exceeds what, with absolute certainty, the written word, even with razor-sharp precision, can create. Whether an author attempts to create a physical setting out of whole cloth or describe one that exists in nature, two challenges exist. How can you pinpoint everything to the nth degree and how do you bridge the gap existing between the totality of what you wish to convey and still maintain the interest of today’s reader?
Let’s try an example. Dame Agatha Christie sets up her classic play, Ten Little Indians, with initial stage directions that are here reproduced with one minor deletion:
“The scene is the living room of a house on Indian Island. It is a very modern room, and luxuriously furnished. It is a bright sunlight evening. Nearly the whole of the back of the stage is a window looking directly out to sea. French doors are open in center to balcony. It should give the impression of being like the deck of a liner, almost overhanging the sea. There is a chair out on the balcony and the main approach to the house is presumed to be up steps on the left side of the balcony. . . French doors are wide so that a good area of the balcony is shown.
“In the left wall, near windows, is a door to dining room. Downstage left is a door communicating with hall. Pull cord below this door.
“Up right is a door to study. Middle stage right is fireplace. Over it hangs the reproduction of the “Ten Little Indians” nursery rhyme. On the mantelpiece are a group of ten china Indian figures. They are not spaced out, but clustered so that the exact number is not easily seen.
“Center are two sofas with space between. Chair and small table up left. Club chair with tabouret right and above it, down left, where there is also a bookcase. There is a window seat up right and cocktail cabinet below mantelpiece. Tabouret down right. Before fireplace is a big white bearskin rug with a bear’s head. There is an armchair and tabouret right center. A square ottoman at lower end of the fireplace. A settee with table left of it in front of window at the back.”
Can you imagine this scene? On your inner visual screen do you imagine colors? What colors? The only color actually mentioned is white in describing the bearskin rug. If you can see the sky through the balcony, would it be a solid blue or dotted with white, puffy clouds? Would this expanse be flat or stretch to the horizon? If either, does that affect the colors you perceive? How would it affect the reader?
We are told the living room is very modern and luxuriously furnished. Would those words narrow your perception of color? Perhaps. But we aren’t given a date. Many colors can be perceived as modern. Some colors such as those replicating the patina of oak and mahogany are dark and have been associated with luxury for decades. Would they also be modern? Or, is there an unwanted tension created between the dark colors of wood and, say, the sparkle of gold or silver? How about visual intensity? Is one contrasting color concentrated in a small space to become a focal point?
The mantelpiece is mentioned as an important room element. Should it be noteworthy by being crafted from a light-colored stone or gilded with gold?
Whatever the case, the discussion so far should kindle the thought that there can be no right or wrong answer in a vacuum. The purpose of room color description is most often useful only to create a mood. Dark colors conjure up gloom and/or depression and, while there are no characters mentioned in the stage directions, a dark-colored room makes it easier for a mystery’s burglar to slink into the background. Bright pastel colors could be the trigger to an older person remembering where they grew up as a child, e.g., a red lampshade, a green throw pillow on either or both sofas.
Color, important in itself, can also define shapes. Are the purple velvet curtains a vertical rectangle or visually impressive for their scalloped horizontal line at the top of the window(s) they adorn? We can probably inwardly visualize the shape and size of a bearskin rug. A fireplace or its mantel presents a greater challenge. They can vary greatly in size and design, although visually within limits. Determining what the word “tabouret” means is decidedly more difficult. There is an inherent ambiguity in the word for it can mean either a low seat without a back or arms or a small portable stand or cabinet. Since the word is used multiple times, a mixture of visualized furniture is definitely possible. Why confuse the reader? There is no good reason to. The reader would be busy enough trying to visual the room without generating more confusion, especially since we haven’t added any character yet.
And, even if one is confident in describing the room, how should it be done—all at once, or piecemeal in narrative between character dialogue, in character dialogue, or silently within the thoughts of a character? It’s a big decision. Too much narrative and you lose the reader experiencing boredom with a lack of action. Too little description and the reader will be lost for not being grounded in the context of the story.
While it would be an unending task to try to pinpoint what should be the final result of every written story, the point here is that each author needs to examine his or her setting description with an attempt to determine what is being projected into and absorbed by the reader’s mind. If the projected image is not the desired one, a different perspective is likely the best first choice for finding the solution.
Let’s try an example. Dame Agatha Christie sets up her classic play, Ten Little Indians, with initial stage directions that are here reproduced with one minor deletion:
“The scene is the living room of a house on Indian Island. It is a very modern room, and luxuriously furnished. It is a bright sunlight evening. Nearly the whole of the back of the stage is a window looking directly out to sea. French doors are open in center to balcony. It should give the impression of being like the deck of a liner, almost overhanging the sea. There is a chair out on the balcony and the main approach to the house is presumed to be up steps on the left side of the balcony. . . French doors are wide so that a good area of the balcony is shown.
“In the left wall, near windows, is a door to dining room. Downstage left is a door communicating with hall. Pull cord below this door.
“Up right is a door to study. Middle stage right is fireplace. Over it hangs the reproduction of the “Ten Little Indians” nursery rhyme. On the mantelpiece are a group of ten china Indian figures. They are not spaced out, but clustered so that the exact number is not easily seen.
“Center are two sofas with space between. Chair and small table up left. Club chair with tabouret right and above it, down left, where there is also a bookcase. There is a window seat up right and cocktail cabinet below mantelpiece. Tabouret down right. Before fireplace is a big white bearskin rug with a bear’s head. There is an armchair and tabouret right center. A square ottoman at lower end of the fireplace. A settee with table left of it in front of window at the back.”
Can you imagine this scene? On your inner visual screen do you imagine colors? What colors? The only color actually mentioned is white in describing the bearskin rug. If you can see the sky through the balcony, would it be a solid blue or dotted with white, puffy clouds? Would this expanse be flat or stretch to the horizon? If either, does that affect the colors you perceive? How would it affect the reader?
We are told the living room is very modern and luxuriously furnished. Would those words narrow your perception of color? Perhaps. But we aren’t given a date. Many colors can be perceived as modern. Some colors such as those replicating the patina of oak and mahogany are dark and have been associated with luxury for decades. Would they also be modern? Or, is there an unwanted tension created between the dark colors of wood and, say, the sparkle of gold or silver? How about visual intensity? Is one contrasting color concentrated in a small space to become a focal point?
The mantelpiece is mentioned as an important room element. Should it be noteworthy by being crafted from a light-colored stone or gilded with gold?
Whatever the case, the discussion so far should kindle the thought that there can be no right or wrong answer in a vacuum. The purpose of room color description is most often useful only to create a mood. Dark colors conjure up gloom and/or depression and, while there are no characters mentioned in the stage directions, a dark-colored room makes it easier for a mystery’s burglar to slink into the background. Bright pastel colors could be the trigger to an older person remembering where they grew up as a child, e.g., a red lampshade, a green throw pillow on either or both sofas.
Color, important in itself, can also define shapes. Are the purple velvet curtains a vertical rectangle or visually impressive for their scalloped horizontal line at the top of the window(s) they adorn? We can probably inwardly visualize the shape and size of a bearskin rug. A fireplace or its mantel presents a greater challenge. They can vary greatly in size and design, although visually within limits. Determining what the word “tabouret” means is decidedly more difficult. There is an inherent ambiguity in the word for it can mean either a low seat without a back or arms or a small portable stand or cabinet. Since the word is used multiple times, a mixture of visualized furniture is definitely possible. Why confuse the reader? There is no good reason to. The reader would be busy enough trying to visual the room without generating more confusion, especially since we haven’t added any character yet.
And, even if one is confident in describing the room, how should it be done—all at once, or piecemeal in narrative between character dialogue, in character dialogue, or silently within the thoughts of a character? It’s a big decision. Too much narrative and you lose the reader experiencing boredom with a lack of action. Too little description and the reader will be lost for not being grounded in the context of the story.
While it would be an unending task to try to pinpoint what should be the final result of every written story, the point here is that each author needs to examine his or her setting description with an attempt to determine what is being projected into and absorbed by the reader’s mind. If the projected image is not the desired one, a different perspective is likely the best first choice for finding the solution.
Friday, November 1, 2013
Chocolate - Oh How We Love It
With Halloween a distant twenty-four hour memory, how can the mind not turn to chocolate?
Theobroma cacao --A barbarous concoction or noxious drug? Delicious indulgence or cause of migraines? Aphrodisiac or tonic?
The journey of the magical cacao bean and its chocolate byproduct begins, some say, in 200 B.C. Worshiped as an idol my Myan Indians over 2,000 years ago, the bitter seeds of the cacao bean have been transformed into sweet chocolate. The Spanish conquest of Central America introduced chocolate to Europe, where it first became the stimulating drink of kings and aristocrats. Industrialization in the 19th and 20th century made chocolate a food for the masses.
When first brought to the U.S. in 1765, it was available only as cocoa or liquid.
Sixty years later, a Dutch chemist invented a cocoa press that enabled confectioners to make the first chocolate candy. World War I made chocolate popular with the returning soldiers and The Hershey Chocolate Company finally mass produced a quality chocolate bar at a price affordable on public street corners. While it may have stayed available to the masses, it has often been revived as a "luxury item" and graces many a gift basket.
One can not get too much of a good thing for a bar with a higher concentration of cocoa is often bitter to the taste.
Godiva, Lindt, and Ghirardelli are three popular well-known makers of the gourmet product. But throughout the country, there are smaller companies producing quality chocolates to meet the many different needs of chocolate lovers everywhere.
We've, over the years, have heard of California-based Bodega Fudge and Chocolates and Adams Place located in Washington state. Kosher chocolates are not out of the question. The end product is not only for Jewish consumers. They are sought after by others, which include vegetarians and those who buy for various allergy and health reasons. Nor are claims to using a copper kettle process.
While the shelf life of chocolates can be four to six months without refrigeration or up to one year when refrigerated.
A major enemy of chocolates is heat. During the summer months, companies that ship chocolate often rely on two or three day air with frozen jellpacks to keep the chocolate cool.
So let that Halloween chocolate melt in your mouth. The cherry cordials don't come until Christmas.
Ps, Don't forget that this blog has a page two, top of the page tab, where one can read Author Dona' Berg's last excerpt of a yet to be published novel by the three-time winner in the 2013 Dixie Kane Memorial Contest. See details below in October 4 blog post.
Theobroma cacao --A barbarous concoction or noxious drug? Delicious indulgence or cause of migraines? Aphrodisiac or tonic?
The journey of the magical cacao bean and its chocolate byproduct begins, some say, in 200 B.C. Worshiped as an idol my Myan Indians over 2,000 years ago, the bitter seeds of the cacao bean have been transformed into sweet chocolate. The Spanish conquest of Central America introduced chocolate to Europe, where it first became the stimulating drink of kings and aristocrats. Industrialization in the 19th and 20th century made chocolate a food for the masses.
When first brought to the U.S. in 1765, it was available only as cocoa or liquid.
Sixty years later, a Dutch chemist invented a cocoa press that enabled confectioners to make the first chocolate candy. World War I made chocolate popular with the returning soldiers and The Hershey Chocolate Company finally mass produced a quality chocolate bar at a price affordable on public street corners. While it may have stayed available to the masses, it has often been revived as a "luxury item" and graces many a gift basket.
One can not get too much of a good thing for a bar with a higher concentration of cocoa is often bitter to the taste.
Godiva, Lindt, and Ghirardelli are three popular well-known makers of the gourmet product. But throughout the country, there are smaller companies producing quality chocolates to meet the many different needs of chocolate lovers everywhere.
We've, over the years, have heard of California-based Bodega Fudge and Chocolates and Adams Place located in Washington state. Kosher chocolates are not out of the question. The end product is not only for Jewish consumers. They are sought after by others, which include vegetarians and those who buy for various allergy and health reasons. Nor are claims to using a copper kettle process.
While the shelf life of chocolates can be four to six months without refrigeration or up to one year when refrigerated.
A major enemy of chocolates is heat. During the summer months, companies that ship chocolate often rely on two or three day air with frozen jellpacks to keep the chocolate cool.
So let that Halloween chocolate melt in your mouth. The cherry cordials don't come until Christmas.
Ps, Don't forget that this blog has a page two, top of the page tab, where one can read Author Dona' Berg's last excerpt of a yet to be published novel by the three-time winner in the 2013 Dixie Kane Memorial Contest. See details below in October 4 blog post.
Friday, October 4, 2013
Donan Berg Lands in Dixie Kane Winner's Circle
Three Novel Entries Earn Judging Accolades
Author Donan Berg landed three times in the winner’s circle at the 8th Annual Dixie Kane Memorial Contest. Announcing the results today was Nicholas Genovese, coordinator of the sponsoring Southern Louisiana Chapter of the Romance Writers of America.
In the inspirational novel category, Author Berg’s two entries, “Rosemary’s Awakening” and “Amanda,” shared a tie, both being awarded second place.
“Rosemary’s Awakening” is a fictional account of a courageous young Iowa woman’s battle to regain life and love after a competitive horse race mishap confines her to a wheelchair.
In “Amanda,” the reader follows a Chicago woman, paroled after being falsely imprisoned in Louisiana, who struggles to reclaim her life’s equilibrium, to achieve personal justice, and to find love on a journey to familiar and unexpected places.
In the novel with romantic elements category, Author Berg earned his third runner-up award with his novel entitled “Alexa.” The central character, Alexa, a single mom with a two-year-old son, lives and works in Chicago as a court probation officer. After a physical assault, she fights to restore her shattered life in an escalating, dramatic tale of murder, mystery, and rumored gold, sought by others after Alexa inherits her Iowa grandmother’s farm and searches for her grandmother’s special cookbook recipe clue that must be deciphered to reveal the gold’s buried location.
“I’m extremely honored,” said Berg. “The annual Dixie Kane competition is one of the premier writing contests in the United States. To be included among the talented and dedicated entrants who have graced and been recognized this year and in years past is a thrill.” Author Donan Berg has four murder/mystery novels and a collection of short stories, in print and electronic formats, published by DOTDON Books, Moline, IL. He’s previously, in 2010, been in the Dixie Kane winner’s circle.
His 2009 debut novel, A Body To Bones, debuted at number 27 in the top 50 most popular books, all genres, at AuthorsDen.com, an online literary community then visited monthly by more than a million authors and readers. A year later on September 19, 2010, his novel held its top 50 ranking as the 32nd most popular. His novels are in libraries nationwide, including Davenport, Iowa City, Moline, Rock Falls, and Rock Island. A Writer’s Digest judge in February 2010 said, “Donan Berg writes a nice, clear, consistently readable prose, and he manages to create a winning character in Sarah Hamilton.”
Following A Body To Bones, he’s authored The Bones Dance Foxtrot (2009), Bubbling Conflict and Other Short Stories (2010), Abbey Burning Love (2011, E-book only), and Baby Bones (2012).
The Dixie Kane Memorial Contest is named for the late New Orleans writer Linda Kay West, who wrote under the pen name of Dixie Kane. The sponsoring New Orleans chapter is a non-profit literary organization dedicated to the craft and business of writing book length fiction with a focus on romance.
Adolph's Gold by Donan Berg to be released March 13, 2014 in e-book format.
On March 13, 2014, Donan Berg's latest novel, Adolph's Gold, will be released in e-book format. As of late January it is anticipated that retailers Apple, Kobo, and Barnes and Noble will offer pre-order buying opportunities. Readers wishing to sample this detective mystery can do so at the following link: http://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/398225
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Forget Flattery; Be Yourself
Imitation may be flattery and many a budding writer envies Herman Melville, William Faulkner, or fill in the blank ________ without a complete understanding of what made that writer's prose great. Far be it from me to invade the minds of great writers, but their writings give wannabe and striving writers more than enough to think about.
(While I think, you, the reader, should know that this author, me, Donan Berg, has just been informed that he landed three times in the 2013 winner's circle at the 8th Annual Dixie Kane Memorial Writing Contest. When the official results are announced, look for them here.)
Let's start with Mr. Melville. A previous blog teased you with his opening line of "Call me ______." If you didn't correctly fill in the blank, no matter. Beginning writers have often tried, unsuccessfully, to imitate the style or voice of past writing masters. What is not grasped is that the greats changed over time. Or, more accurately, they adapted their voice or style to the nature of their story.
Mr. Melville wrote a novel entitled Omoo, which often ends up as a crossword answer. Those crossword geeks love words with multiple vowels. Anyway, the story starts very simply:
"It was the middle of a bright tropical afternoon that we made good our escape from the bay. The vessel we sought lay with her main-topsail aback about a league from the land and was the only object that broke the broad expanse of the ocean."
Please note, no big dictionary words. Yet, there are questions. Escape from what? Or whom? Why the referenced vessel? If this was a bay, why only one vessel? Are we near a town or marooned? The hook for reading more is deeply planted.
Later in his writing life, Melville began his classic Moby-Dick as follows: (You can repeat out loud this often-quoted verbiage.)
"Call me Ishmael. Some years ago-never mind how long precisely-having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world."
Had Melville changed? Some would say yes. But it's more than that. It's voice. Moby-Dick is arguably more authoritative in style and voice. Omoo didn't require the Moby-Dick voice, at least, Mr. Melville didn't believe so.
I attended a reading by Alice Sebold a few years ago and she read the first chapter of her well-received and engaging novel entitled The Lovely Bones. It begins:
"My name was Salmon, like the fish; first name, Susie. I was fourteen when I was murdered on December 6, 1973."
Does that harken back? Maybe yes, but not as straightforward as J.D. Salinger's A Catcher in the Rye reference to Charles Dickens and David Copperfield.
My goal is not to flog masterful writing, but to point out different stories require serious thinking to match the character with the voice presented.
William Faulkner developed his style in service to his stories as other great writers have done. Compare his daring point of view and tense that serves the Bundrens well in As I Lay Dying with the simpler, more straightforward style in his The Reivers.
However you try to style your story, the goal is to not overwhelm your reader and bury the story in an avalanche of stylistic voice copied from a person that doesn't inhabit your skin. If the voice becomes the end all, all your characters will begin to sound alike, spouting diction so similar the reader glosses over the points you wish to make. Sure, I can envision an urban street corner where everyone begins a sentence with "yo dude." Would that enhance my story or distract? Probably distract.
If you give high tension to every character, none will stand out as major or memorable. You may think of all your friends as major influences in your life, but aren't they all slightly, maybe even markedly, different. Treating them as different is not a snub. They're not robots who attended the same Star Wars training school. Come to think of it. Is R2-D2 the same as Hal the computer or that other annoying robot. I think you know the one I'm referring to. No, it's not named Ishmael or Salmon. Think of beginning with the letter C.
The main point is to be yourself. There's nothing wrong with the following in the right circumstances:
"Oh no," the pizza man shouted. "He's been fighting wid his old lady. I ain't gonna get no tip outta this pie."
Nor the following:
"Don't call me Jacob."
Think of yourself, your story. Now, go to it.
(While I think, you, the reader, should know that this author, me, Donan Berg, has just been informed that he landed three times in the 2013 winner's circle at the 8th Annual Dixie Kane Memorial Writing Contest. When the official results are announced, look for them here.)
Let's start with Mr. Melville. A previous blog teased you with his opening line of "Call me ______." If you didn't correctly fill in the blank, no matter. Beginning writers have often tried, unsuccessfully, to imitate the style or voice of past writing masters. What is not grasped is that the greats changed over time. Or, more accurately, they adapted their voice or style to the nature of their story.
Mr. Melville wrote a novel entitled Omoo, which often ends up as a crossword answer. Those crossword geeks love words with multiple vowels. Anyway, the story starts very simply:
"It was the middle of a bright tropical afternoon that we made good our escape from the bay. The vessel we sought lay with her main-topsail aback about a league from the land and was the only object that broke the broad expanse of the ocean."
Please note, no big dictionary words. Yet, there are questions. Escape from what? Or whom? Why the referenced vessel? If this was a bay, why only one vessel? Are we near a town or marooned? The hook for reading more is deeply planted.
Later in his writing life, Melville began his classic Moby-Dick as follows: (You can repeat out loud this often-quoted verbiage.)
"Call me Ishmael. Some years ago-never mind how long precisely-having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world."
Had Melville changed? Some would say yes. But it's more than that. It's voice. Moby-Dick is arguably more authoritative in style and voice. Omoo didn't require the Moby-Dick voice, at least, Mr. Melville didn't believe so.
I attended a reading by Alice Sebold a few years ago and she read the first chapter of her well-received and engaging novel entitled The Lovely Bones. It begins:
"My name was Salmon, like the fish; first name, Susie. I was fourteen when I was murdered on December 6, 1973."
Does that harken back? Maybe yes, but not as straightforward as J.D. Salinger's A Catcher in the Rye reference to Charles Dickens and David Copperfield.
My goal is not to flog masterful writing, but to point out different stories require serious thinking to match the character with the voice presented.
William Faulkner developed his style in service to his stories as other great writers have done. Compare his daring point of view and tense that serves the Bundrens well in As I Lay Dying with the simpler, more straightforward style in his The Reivers.
However you try to style your story, the goal is to not overwhelm your reader and bury the story in an avalanche of stylistic voice copied from a person that doesn't inhabit your skin. If the voice becomes the end all, all your characters will begin to sound alike, spouting diction so similar the reader glosses over the points you wish to make. Sure, I can envision an urban street corner where everyone begins a sentence with "yo dude." Would that enhance my story or distract? Probably distract.
If you give high tension to every character, none will stand out as major or memorable. You may think of all your friends as major influences in your life, but aren't they all slightly, maybe even markedly, different. Treating them as different is not a snub. They're not robots who attended the same Star Wars training school. Come to think of it. Is R2-D2 the same as Hal the computer or that other annoying robot. I think you know the one I'm referring to. No, it's not named Ishmael or Salmon. Think of beginning with the letter C.
The main point is to be yourself. There's nothing wrong with the following in the right circumstances:
"Oh no," the pizza man shouted. "He's been fighting wid his old lady. I ain't gonna get no tip outta this pie."
Nor the following:
"Don't call me Jacob."
Think of yourself, your story. Now, go to it.
Friday, August 23, 2013
Messing with The Muse
Many a quote has spiraled into the conscious. More so from others.
Thus, while the journey is long, provisions sparse, inspiration may abound around life's next corner.
Thus, this post brings to light quotes from the not-to-distant past, not often repeated. Times may, however, change. All are penned from the mind of this author.
Seasons of life repaint age's glory.
Earned feats dance to the melody of life.
Like a joyful melody, charity supports every kindness.
Life's harmony is a symphony of friends.
Pack you life's case with wisdom, love, hope, and charity.
All will fit.
Life free from strain doesn't signal gain.
Happiness is fleeting; standing still won't reach it.
Sweet memories never sever today from unfinished goals.
(And what thought generated this last one is unknown.)
If old walls could talk, you'd probably get plastered.
(That's the lath. Enjoy the day forever more.)
Thus, while the journey is long, provisions sparse, inspiration may abound around life's next corner.
Thus, this post brings to light quotes from the not-to-distant past, not often repeated. Times may, however, change. All are penned from the mind of this author.
Seasons of life repaint age's glory.
Earned feats dance to the melody of life.
Like a joyful melody, charity supports every kindness.
Life's harmony is a symphony of friends.
Pack you life's case with wisdom, love, hope, and charity.
All will fit.
Life free from strain doesn't signal gain.
Happiness is fleeting; standing still won't reach it.
Sweet memories never sever today from unfinished goals.
(And what thought generated this last one is unknown.)
If old walls could talk, you'd probably get plastered.
(That's the lath. Enjoy the day forever more.)
Friday, July 26, 2013
Writing Emotional Projection
If the reader has a tear in his or her eye, it might not be bad. There's emotion present. What I refer to as a "projection." It's the emotion generated by the written word on a page that travels and surfaces in a reader's mind or heart. Perhaps, it's best to examine a made up example:
Kate walked to the front of the building. The light shone dim. Jack waved her in.
"There's stew left. I could reheat."
"Okay," Kate said.
"My kitchen never closes," Jack replied. "I feed my family from the kitchen. Our house is connected to the bar and we don't have any other kitchen. It's open 24/7, although the bar door is locked at 2 a.m."
"Front of the house," Kate said.
"Huh?"
"That's what some call a restaurant, the seating part."
"That so? We call the kitchen a kitchen; the bar, a bar; and everything else the house."
The scene is simple. We're in the point of view (POV) of Kate. We can assume they're human, but maybe not. For purposes here, it's unimportant.
We have an interaction between Kate and Jack. It's dull. Straightforward? yes; objective? yes; inspiring? hardly; emotional? far from it.
Emotional projection is subjective. It's judgments and opinions held by the POV character, a view of the story world unique to the character through whose eyes we are experiencing that world. If the reader would know how that character is feeling or reacting to his or her world, there's a greater chance for an emotional bond between character and reader. Even if the reader thinks the character is acting foolishly, there can be a bond created. And, the payoff for the writer is that the reader keeps turning the page to learn more.
A writer could self-edit the above and add attribution tags like: she said angrily, he cried out, or she demurred.
Let's try to be more forceful. Give it a go yourself.
Here's one attempt to blast greater emotion from the page:
Kate hesitated on the flagstone walk. The building looked so daunting in the dim light. What could those shadows, the creepy ones, do to her? She made her mind up. Nothing. She wasn't going to live in the past.
A shadow, the size of a man, emerged. She recognized Jack; thank heavens it wasn't Steve. She exhaled and welcomed his wave.
"There's stew left. I could reheat."
Kate loved stew. "Okay." She silently admonished herself for not being more grateful and cleared her throat. Her last meal, yesterday, hadn't stayed down. "Okay," she repeated, hoping no trace of her fear would show in her voice. Jack had his grandmother's stew recipe; the memory of its savory aroma from times past washed over her.
"My kitchen never closes," Jack replied, pride tinting his words.
Kate couldn't make out his smile, but she knew it would be there.
"I feed my family from the kitchen. Our house is connected to the bar and we don't have any other kitchen."
His speeding-train words wouldn't be slowed and Kate knew any attempt to encourage him to enunciate clearer would be met by his resistance and flare his anger. She would endure his rattling on for the stew.
"It's open 24/7, although the bar door is locked at 2 a.m."
Wow, is that nice? She couldn't fathom why she needed to understand all this and didn't wish to. "Front of the house?" Why had she asked?
"Huh?" Jack's expression remained perplexed as Kate stepped closer to him. The light's angle diffused the shadows on his face.
"That's what some call a restaurant, the seating part." Kate had taken too much for granted. She'd been blessed with college.
"That so? We call the kitchen a kitchen; the bar a bar; and everything else the house."
Writers can expect to add character emotion or projection at the revision stage or stages. On first draft, it's often better to charge ahead to get the story idea on paper and then spend time to mold the exact emotion to snare the reader. The benefits are huge.
While in Kate's POV it's easier to express how she's feeling or reacting, a writer can hint at what might be going on in Jack's head, even if it's colored by Kate's prejudices and worldview.
A caution, piling adjective upon adjective may seem to add extra emotion, but it can as easily confuse the reader. Be judicious. Salt can flavor a stew. Too much salt can make it uneatable.
Kate walked to the front of the building. The light shone dim. Jack waved her in.
"There's stew left. I could reheat."
"Okay," Kate said.
"My kitchen never closes," Jack replied. "I feed my family from the kitchen. Our house is connected to the bar and we don't have any other kitchen. It's open 24/7, although the bar door is locked at 2 a.m."
"Front of the house," Kate said.
"Huh?"
"That's what some call a restaurant, the seating part."
"That so? We call the kitchen a kitchen; the bar, a bar; and everything else the house."
The scene is simple. We're in the point of view (POV) of Kate. We can assume they're human, but maybe not. For purposes here, it's unimportant.
We have an interaction between Kate and Jack. It's dull. Straightforward? yes; objective? yes; inspiring? hardly; emotional? far from it.
Emotional projection is subjective. It's judgments and opinions held by the POV character, a view of the story world unique to the character through whose eyes we are experiencing that world. If the reader would know how that character is feeling or reacting to his or her world, there's a greater chance for an emotional bond between character and reader. Even if the reader thinks the character is acting foolishly, there can be a bond created. And, the payoff for the writer is that the reader keeps turning the page to learn more.
A writer could self-edit the above and add attribution tags like: she said angrily, he cried out, or she demurred.
Let's try to be more forceful. Give it a go yourself.
Here's one attempt to blast greater emotion from the page:
Kate hesitated on the flagstone walk. The building looked so daunting in the dim light. What could those shadows, the creepy ones, do to her? She made her mind up. Nothing. She wasn't going to live in the past.
A shadow, the size of a man, emerged. She recognized Jack; thank heavens it wasn't Steve. She exhaled and welcomed his wave.
"There's stew left. I could reheat."
Kate loved stew. "Okay." She silently admonished herself for not being more grateful and cleared her throat. Her last meal, yesterday, hadn't stayed down. "Okay," she repeated, hoping no trace of her fear would show in her voice. Jack had his grandmother's stew recipe; the memory of its savory aroma from times past washed over her.
"My kitchen never closes," Jack replied, pride tinting his words.
Kate couldn't make out his smile, but she knew it would be there.
"I feed my family from the kitchen. Our house is connected to the bar and we don't have any other kitchen."
His speeding-train words wouldn't be slowed and Kate knew any attempt to encourage him to enunciate clearer would be met by his resistance and flare his anger. She would endure his rattling on for the stew.
"It's open 24/7, although the bar door is locked at 2 a.m."
Wow, is that nice? She couldn't fathom why she needed to understand all this and didn't wish to. "Front of the house?" Why had she asked?
"Huh?" Jack's expression remained perplexed as Kate stepped closer to him. The light's angle diffused the shadows on his face.
"That's what some call a restaurant, the seating part." Kate had taken too much for granted. She'd been blessed with college.
"That so? We call the kitchen a kitchen; the bar a bar; and everything else the house."
Writers can expect to add character emotion or projection at the revision stage or stages. On first draft, it's often better to charge ahead to get the story idea on paper and then spend time to mold the exact emotion to snare the reader. The benefits are huge.
While in Kate's POV it's easier to express how she's feeling or reacting, a writer can hint at what might be going on in Jack's head, even if it's colored by Kate's prejudices and worldview.
A caution, piling adjective upon adjective may seem to add extra emotion, but it can as easily confuse the reader. Be judicious. Salt can flavor a stew. Too much salt can make it uneatable.
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